Happy National Coming Out Day!

Hi friends,

As you may know, this newsletter has been long in the making. Many of you first signed up to receive it months and months ago. It has taken some time to bring to fruition, but we’re glad to be able to bring you along. We’re hoping to publish this full newsletter about once a month, with shorter notes in between, to keep you informed about what’s going on at the Center and offer some “good word” beyond that to make opening this email worth your time.

It feels fitting to launch a new thing on a day like today. National Coming Out Day is a day, yes, for coming out, but as we will talk about later in this opening blurb, it’s also a day to reaffirm what is already known. “Coming out” isn’t a “one-and-done” situation… it’s an ongoing, iterative process. It’s a journey we all undertake, even if we’re not part of the LGBTQ+ community. Self-discovery often begins with a question. For many, it begins with a sense of self-differentiation without definition… something that may be a puzzle at first. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, this often manifests as an awareness of not being like others. In Vivienne Cass’s 1979 model for coming out, this is known as “Identity Confusion.” As we work through this puzzle of what it is that differentiates us from others, we begin a process Cass calls “Identity Comparison,” during which we look to different models in our lives for ways of being and test out how much we identify with them. This is where having a broad variety of role models can be helpful… which is why visibility matters. The saying goes, if you’ve met one gay person, you’ve met one gay person, and if that one person is the only one you meet or know about, and you don’t have that much in common with them beyond sexuality, you may think that you cannot possibly be gay because you’re not enough like that one model you’ve encountered. If you’re able to settle on a sense of identity through this stage, you may move on to what is called “Identity Tolerance,” wherein you know this truth about yourself, but you aren’t living into it. Some folks spend a long, long time here… this is the proverbial “closet” folks lock themselves into. Closets can be a good thing in the short term: they can keep us safe from violence, give us time to figure out our next steps, but they’re not a good place to live. Folks who cannot venture out of the closet for safety reasons, for fear of persecution and violence and shame are at some of the highest risk for self-harm and death by suicide of any other stage. Closets kill. If folks begin to determine that they either cannot endure the closet any longer or that they can safely come out, they enter “Identity Acceptance,” wherein they both begin to embrace and share with others what they know about themselves. Depending on how those early “coming out” experiences go, folks may move towards more overt expression of their identity or they may slide back into “Identity Tolerance.” One stage many people experience is known as “Identity Pride,” which is an intensely joyful stage, but can kind of flummox folks who have never experienced it themselves. In this stage, a person’s identity as part of the LGBTQ+ community may become the defining characteristic of their identity. If they walk, they walk gayly. If they talk, they talk gayly. If they chew gum…. you guessed it, they do it gayly. Part of this is a response to the simple joy of self-revelation. Anybody who’s ever had a “conversion” experience can attest to the way that, for a season of life, that new identity kind of takes over every part of one’s life. Most people who get this far eventually settle into a stage known as “Identity Synthesis,” where their LGBTQ+ identity becomes integrated with other parts of who they are. They’re still accepting and proud of who they are, but they don’t feel the need to have it fully define them. It’s the difference between being “a gay person” and “a person who happens to be gay.” This isn’t necessarily a linear process, and depending on a person’s context and journey, they may spend time in multiple stages at once. It’s an ongoing process of self-discovery and self-expression. Someone who is in the “identity synthesis” stage with their friends may also be in the “identity tolerance” stage with their parents and the “identity acceptance” stage at work. People may choose not to self-disclose in certain situations because it’s not safe to do so or simply because they don’t want to have the kinds of conversations that arise from doing so. A trans person may not correct someone who misgenders them in a casual situation, especially if they don’t anticipate a long-term relationship with the person who misgendered them or they don’t think addressing the misgendering is worth the risk of violence or disrespect. In a sense, in that moment, they’re in more of an “identity tolerance” stage. Models are imperfect, and no one model is going to articulate every person’s experience, but they can point towards generalized experiences many experience.

At the AuSable Inclusion Center, we’ve been busily developing programs and developing relationships with our various communities. We held our “commissioning service” in June, and since then have been soft-launching early programs while our Ministry Developer moved house, settled in, and laid the foundations for the work ahead. As routine programs launch and become more established, we remain responsive to what our communities need and want to see. Our Advisory Board is offering support and leadership in this regard too.

Here’s a brief overview of what’s coming up at the AuSable Inclusion Center this month:

We’re very excited about the author visit coming up on the 26th! Telaina Eriksen, author of Unconditional: A Guide to Loving and Supporting Your LGBTQ Child will be coming to visit Grayling and Mio on October 26th, and this is your chance to meet her!

Join us at Hidden Nook Booksellers in Grayling for a book signing from 1-3 PM, then head on over to the AuSable Inclusion Center in Mio for a Book Discussion and Q&A at 5:30 PM.

For more information about Telaina, visit https://www.telaina.com/

We also have some events coming up in early November worth knowing about.

McKenzie Knill, Director of Youth, Children, and Family Formation for the Episcopal diocese which we belong to, along with Executive Director of Camp Chickagami, will be leading a free Mental Health First Aid for Adults training from 9 AM to 6 PM on Friday, November 1st. Snacks and lunch will be provided! Sign up at https://tinyurl.com/ausable-mhfa

The next Friday, November 8th, Advisory Board Member Adam Fulan, who is also a licensed pharmacist, will lead a Medicare Part D Seminar at 4:30 PM, just in time for Open Enrollment! Come learn about how Medicare Part D works so that you can make more informed decisions.

We look forward to seeing you, on-site or online, as we roll out more programs. In the meantime, don’t forget to “follow us” on Social Media:

Facebook: ausableinclusioncenter

Instagram: ausable_inclusion_center

YouTube: AuSableInclusionCenter

Tiktok: ausableinclusion

Twitch: ausableinclusion

Finally, all efforts like the one we’ve undertaken require three things to become sustainable: prayer, labor, and money.

This month, pray for the AuSable Inclusion Center and all organizations that offer care and service. Here’s a collect from the Book of Common Prayer to get you started:

Heavenly Father, whose blessed Son came not to be served but to serve: Bless all who, following in his steps, give themselves to the service of others; that with wisdom, patience, and courage, they may minister in his Name to the suffering, the friendless, and the needy; for the love of him who laid down his life for us, your Son our Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

If you’re interested in volunteering or would like to invite our Ministry Developer to come talk to your faith community or other group, reach out via the methods on our Contact Page: https://www.ausableinclusioncenter.org/connect

Want to give out of your abundance to support our mission and ministry? You can do so at this link: https://givingtools.com/give/1281

Take Care!

-AuSable Inclusion Center